A Better Bollywood: New Year’s Resolutions for 2012

2012 promises to be a big year for real-life couple Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor. (Photo: Real Bollywood)

2012 promises to be a big year for real-life couple Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor. (Photo: Real Bollywood)

The year 2011 was a tumultuous one for Bollywood, with big budgets but even bigger disappointments. Each new year, avid cine-goers enter the theaters doe-eyed–with high hopes and open minds–and come out wondering how this year’s films failed to learn from the mistakes of the previous one. So as you dwindle down on your new year’s resolutions (yes, you–put that mithai down), we came up with a list of resolutions for Bollywood to try and keep up with in 2012.

The return of Saif Ali Khan in ‘Agent Vinod’. Where has one of our favorite Khans disappeared to? Okay okay, so he did have one release in 2011, but a supporting role in “Aarakshan” doesn’t really count. Between his much anticipated home production “Agent Vinod”, opposite his bride-to-be, Kareena Kapoor, and their impending nuptials in the spring, we have a feeling 2012 is going to be a great year for the Nawab of Pataudi.

Bollywood queens Madhuri Dixit and Karisma Kapoor reclaim their throne. With Dixit moving back to India and already cashing in on plenty of endorsements, as well as starting work on an unnamed project, we’re ready for the “Dhak Dhak” girl to return to her rightful throne. Kapoor, another 90s favorite, is all set to make her comeback in the Bhatt camp’s “Dangerous Ishq”. If some director out there is smart enough to put her and reigning queen, little sis Kareena, together in a film, our heads just might explode. Now quick, someone get Kajol on the comeback trail while there’s still room for one more!

Focus on quality over quantity. This wonderful new trend began where actors actually focus on only one or two films a year, providing for stellar and energetic performances. Gone are the days when Shahrukh, Aamir and Salman Khan would put out a few mediocre films where perhaps one was a hit. To that point, why haven’t other actors (Read: Our favorite khiladi, Akshay Kumar) gotten the memo? No more ‘Tees Maar Khan”, “Action Replay” or “Patiala House” disasters, please. Just give us one good movie, and we’ll be content.

Salman Khan, keep your shirt on. Remember when your mother advised, “Nobody buys the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Well, this is like that, except now nobody wants the milk anymore. Our love for Sallu will increase exponentially if he keeps his shirt on…and actually plays somebody other than himself in a movie.

Let this be the year of the K’s: Kareena and Katrina. These two ladies are taking over Bollywood one movie at a time, and both have an amazing lineup of films looking ahead. Kapoor’s “Heroine” is already eagerly awaited by critics and fans alike, while Kaif is also kicking off the year right by signing onto Yash Raj’s untitled project with Shahrukh Khan and Anushka Sharma, and “Dhoom 3″ with Aamir Khan. Remember that time when both of these actresses first started in the industry, and practically everybody was sure they would fail? Right.

Two words: Yash Chopra. The legendary filmmaker’s aforementioned venture with Shahrukh Khan, Anushka Sharma and Katrina Kaif must fulfill our every expectation. Because when it’s Chopra and Khan, let’s face it–the film must be amazing, and it has to make us laugh, cry, fall in love, etc. We won’t settle for anything less, you hear? Though we do get a bit wary whenever a film taunts to be an epic love story (remember “Mausam“?). But if that promise is backed by the likes of Chopra, we have hope.

Celebrities, stop endorsing skin lightening products. Just stop. In an industry and culture where people hail from diverse regions and boast of such magnificent features, why would people we consider role models endorse a product that tells us not to love ourselves? It’s time we all learn to embrace our skin color and stop trying to change it through skin whitening creams, simply because our favorite actor/actress is suddenly two shades lighter than their previous film. We’re looking at you, Dia Mirza and Priyanka Chopra.

More female-centric films like ‘The Dirty Picture”, “7 Khoon Maaf” and “No One Killed Jessica”. It’s about darn time Bollywood harness all that girl power. Many years have sporadically showcased some of the industry’s best female talent and proved that women can stand completely on their own and carry a film. More recently, powerhouse actresses like Vidya Balan and Priyanka Chopra are increasingly recognized for bold and strong performances. We want more!

The advent of a stylist for Bollywood celebs. Sonam Kapoor, Deepika Padukone and Kareena Kapoor are all doing it, so why can’t everybody else? Please stop showing up to award functions and various events looking like you just rolled out of bed.  If you’re a celebrity, we expect you to actually wear all those designers and brands you endorse and claim to be friends with.

Age appropriate roles must be reinforced. Salman Khan as a middle-aged bodyguard made sense. Shahrukh Khan as a South Indian father made sense (minus the horrendous hair). Akshay Kumar as a guy young enough to be trying out for any sports team while romancing baby Anushka Sharma? Not so much. (Sorry Akshay, it just hasn’t been your decade.) And remember when Aamir Khan thought he could get away with playing a college student…twice? Enough said.

Saniya Tabani is a contributing writer to Divanee.com.